Kai Havertz [Alexander-Canillas-SPP]

PEOPLE look at Kai Havertz and his increasingly comedic attempts at heading and shooting at the goal, and say with just as increasing regularity: “I could’ve scored that – even I could’ve scored that.”

We won’t get on to all the Grans we hear about, who can apparently beat any Premier League goalkeeper from eight yards given the opportunity – for now let’s stick to me and you.

We could’ve scored that. Or could we?

To be able to flip the ball into the net from where Kai Havertz was for his main sitter chance against Manchester United – yes, he had a few – we would have had to be able to sprint into position as the ball came forward.

So that rules out at least 70 per cent of the people reading this column – including me and yes you, you in the cafe enjoying the Tribune with an egg burger and milky tea. We’d collapse.

To score that, we’d also have to have a bit of muscle to get in on goal. Be honest, as awful as Harry Maguire is, could you shift his tank-like frame out of the way to get in on goal?

We can further eliminate nearly everybody who insists they would’ve scored that by reminding them that to complete the task you would have had to have given up your life to football from about the age of five, trained every day and got soaked on rainy pitches for years in the hope of being one of the lucky few who were in the right place at the right time to be spotted by a scout. You can’t score that, if you’re not even on the pitch.

To then make the first team at Arsenal, just so you can be there to score the chance that apparently everybody could score, you’d then have to train intensely and impress every day so you are picked to play by the management.

So aside from a very few fans who may have had the talent but were unlucky not to have been picked up as a kid – or you are one of the guys who bore every first date that they once had trials with West Ham and would have definitely, definitely made it if it wasn’t for a kneesplints injury – then chances are you couldn’t have scored that, however easy it looks on the television screen. You’d miss.
Havertz should’ve scored it though.